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Table of Contents

• • Introduction
    1. What This Book Is About, And Why You Should Read It
    2. How One Awkward Nerd Came To Have A Romantic And Sex Life Exceeding His Wildest Dreams
    3. Getting The Most Out Of This Book
    4. The Obvious Big Disclaimer
    5. Who The Art Of Playful Escalation Is For
    6. This Book Is Written Bi A Man
• Part 1: Core Foundations
  1. 1. The Basics Of Consent & Play
     1. Consent As The Pursuit Of Harmony
     2. History Has Made Consent Difficult, But It’s Changing For The Better
     3. What We Mean By “Play”
     4. Love May Not Be What We Think It Is
     5. And What Is Love First?
  2. 2. Relationships 101
     1. You Are Free To Have Any Relationship You Want—With One Contraint
     2. Which Relationship Style Is Right For You?
     3. When The Relationship Escalator Breaks, You Don’t Get Stairs
     4. Your Idea Of Romance Is Not Everyone Else’s (And That’s Okay)
     5. Playing In Minefields: The Complex Challenges Of Consent & Power Dynamics
     6. The Radioactive Waste Of The Nuclear Family Model
  3. 3. Emotional Intelligence
     1. The Most Important Relationship Is With Your Soulmate
     2. The Day My Ugly Ducking Died
     3. Self-Awareness Is Sexy AF
     4. The Truth closet
     5. Practicing Patience Will Always Pay Off
     6. D_n’t F_ll Th_ Bl_nks: Identify Your Assumptions & Biases
     7. Deprogramming Entitlements
     8. My First Blowjob Taught Me The Most Valuable Lesson In Sex
     9. How To Apologize The Right Way
     10. How I Screwed Up—And Fixed—The Most Significant Relationship Of My Life
     11. My Depression Is Like A Guard Dog
     12. How To Square Yourself With Your Privileges And Your Complicity In Unjust Systems
  4. 4. The New Identity
     1. Your Identity Is Not Fixed—So Play With It
     2. I Have Three Gender Identities
     3. Why We Need New Models For Masculinity
     4. How Toxic Masculinity Almost Killed Me
     5. The Venom Of Immaturity
     6. Building Confidence & Charisma
     7. How I Got Game, Became Good, And Started Giving (Head)
• Part 2: The Art of Playful Escalation
  5. 5. What is Escalation
     1. Why You Should Know All Your Escalation Speeds
     2. A New Model For Escalation In Love, Sex & Relationships
     3. From 0 To 60: How To Avoid Hitting A Wall
     4. How To De-Escalate, And Why Everyone Needs To Know This
  6. 6. Flirting
     1. Love – 40: Why Flirting Is (Not) Like Tennis
     2. Everything Is A Game
     3. The Fastest Way To Intimacy & Meaningful Connection
     4. How To Have Phenomenal Sex The First Time With Someone New
     5. Better Ways To Show Appreciation
     6. How To Receive No With Grace, Confidence, And Style
  7. 7. Dating
     1. Golden Tips For Dating, From Date 1 to Date 100
     2. The Improv Comedy Rule For Dating
     3. EJ Goes To 11
     4. Dating Across Divides: Overcoming Geographic And Ideological Differences
     5. Negotiate Dirty Words With Your Lovers
     6. The Three Strikes Model
     7. Stop Blaming Men
  8. 8. Relationships
     1. The Number 1 Cause Of Breakups
     2. Lean Into The Fires Of Love
     3. Transitioning Into & Out Of Relationships
     4. Relationship Sync: Getting—And Staying—On The Same Page
     5. Share Dreams & Ambitions With Your Partner(s)
     6. The Benefits And Beauty Of Monogamy
     7. Everyone Should Be “Polyamorous”
  9. 9. Sex! (Finally, The Good Stuff)
     1. Sex, Sexuality, and Sexual Health
     2. Winning The Golden Trophy In Sex
     3. Sex-Positivity: Gender vs. Genitalia, Sex Work, Asexuality
     4. Kink, BDSM, And Fetishes: Honor Our Differences
     5. Scaring Families With Sex Bruises
     6. STI’s And STD’s — And What You Need To Know About Them
     7. How & Why To Disclose A Positive STI / STD Status
     8. How Getting An STD Improved My Sex Life
• Part 3: Hard Mode, High reward
  10. 10. Polyamory & Consensual Non-Monogamy
      1. The Benefits And Beauty Of Non-Monogamy
      2. I Went To Burning Man And Came Back Polyamorous
      3. Polycules, Metamours, And Other Useful Terms, Oh My!
      4. Polyamory: Relationships in The Fast Lane
      5. Doing Polyamory On Hard Mode, Blindfolded
      6. Lessons From Polyamory For Any Relationship Style
      7. How To Open Up Your Committed Monogamous Relationship
      8. I Did Literally Everything Wrong When I Tried To Open My Monogamous Relationship
      9. The Challenges In Non-Monogamy No One Talks About
      10. A Word On Polyphobia & Discrimination Against Non-Monogamous People
  11. 11. Play Parties (Yes, Let’s Talk About Orgies)
      1. From 0 To 100 Without Hitting A Wall
      2. How I almost Lost An Eye At An Orgy
      3. Five Key Things To Know Before Going To A Play Party
      4. The Vices & Virtues Of Play Parties
      5. My Year In Sex Parties
      6. Three Some Ways To The Orgy Dome
• Appendix
  1. References & Resources
  2. Glossary Of Sex-positive Terms
  3. About Faruk Ateş
  4. About Consent & Play
  5. About Love First
  6. How This Book Was Made With Love First
  7. Acknowledgements & Credits

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About this book

The Art of Playful Escalation is an upcoming book about love, sex, and relationships in the 21^st century, written by Love First coach Faruk Ateş.

About Consent & Play

Consent & Play promotes consent-based practices and playfulness in all human interactions, and showcases new, more socially sustainable models for masculinity, identity, and relationships in the 21^st century.