Who This Book Is For
This book is written for you. Perhaps you are a bold and passionate man wanting to interact with women in a comfortable and playful way without #MeToo era worries. Or, a young Gen Z or Millennial woman looking to take charge of her sexuality. Maybe you’re a boomer couple navigating a complex transition together, or a genderfluid person seeking to better understand their own identity and empower their life. You could be the happy couple who, after years of blissful marriage, wants to dabble with opening up, try group sex or even polyamory, but you don’t want to diminish the special beauty and love of your existing relationship.
This book is written for all those who seek models and examples for the many kinds of relationships people are having today, to find a relationship style that is right for them. It’s written for all those who don’t want to repeat harmful patterns from the past, and move their love life forward with healthier tools for communication and intimacy.
In a quirky time travel sense, this book is written for me. To be more clear, for my teenage self: the awkward, shy, and nerdy boy who had great friendships with the girls in his school, but who was far too insecure to flirt with any of them successfully. How did that youthful hopeless romantic go from a fly on the wall to the life of the party? From the kid writing a girl he liked “I’m sorry” a hundred times to apologize for being awkward, to the confident adult navigating multiple consensual relationships with such clarity, ease, and grace that he hasn’t had a fight or conflict in years? From having no sex life at all to making every sexual fantasy come true for himself?
It wasn’t just age and maturity that got me this dream life. Time is my ally and my teacher, yes, but its lessons don’t require two decades to learn—and they have more universal value. What I’m sharing in this book isn’t just what would’ve been great for me to learn at a young age; they are lessons, practices, and principles that I deeply wish everyone would have access to, for the benefit of themselves and the people in their lives.
If you are ready to uncover the greater depths to your authentic self, whether in relationship style, identity, or sexuality, this book is for you. If you’re looking for more confidence, fun, and game in your dating life, this book is for you. If you seek extraordinary romantic adventure, or simply desire to have healthier and more meaningful relationships, this book is for you.
Even if your relationship(s) and sex life are everything you want it to be, but you’re curious to learn more about how those topics are changing in our culture, and what new possibilities for life they open up, then this book is still for you.
This Book Is Written Bi A Man
While written to be inclusive and widely useful for as many people as possible, this book is written by just one person. Specifically, by a cisgender, half-white, bisexual, polyamorous, male catdragon puppy, switch and brat. (Don’t worry if you only understood half of that; I’ll explain them later.)
I wrote this book from the perspective of a man who is keenly aware of his many privileges—and of the fact he still has many blind spots he’s not aware of (yet). While I’ll be the first to admit my flaws, I have created the life I want to live, and enjoy the relationships, romance, and sex I desire. More importantly, I learned how to be comfortable in my own skin and identity, happily acknowledging the privileges I have. That is not a coincidence, because privilege is a double-edged sword. For example, wealth can let you protect yourself against anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or vulnerable, or trick you into feeling great and successful while your interpersonal relationships falter as a result of stunted emotional skills. When we become more conscious and comfortable with our privileges, we can wield their double-edged blade with useful precision—and without injuring ourselves.
I come from mixed backgrounds through and through: being half white and half brown, I experienced both white privilege and racism alike. I’ve enjoyed great career successes and accomplishments, basking in the admiration of my peers and mentors, but also experienced near-bankruptcy and long-lasting unemployment. I’ve screwed up in relationships time and time again, broken hearts and weathered the shattering of my own, yet nevertheless recovered—and now delight in multiple deeply loving, committed partnerships with a tremendously satisfying sex life.
But all of that is my life; my relationships. It’s not what everyone wants, needs, or should even have any interest in. What I’m here to do is show you there are many more doors in life you can open and explore—and, you can always come back if you don’t like what’s behind them.
There is, however, a major truth to my life I think you will find quite appealing:
I have created the exact life for myself that I want, and have done so with clarity and ease. I have cultivated every significant relationship in my life consciously, with honesty and transparency. I have a deeply supportive and loving community around me. I love all the people I see on a regular basis and they love me, whether friendly, professionally, or romantically, and each person knows how much our relationship matters. My relationships generate energy and happiness on a daily basis. I am confident that if my desires or interests change, I can communicate my shifting direction in life effectively with the people important to me, and know they will support me. I resolve my conflicts or disagreements in a calm and healthy manner. Other people compliment me on my communication skills, and regularly show appreciation for my ability to navigate complex situations.
Re-read that last paragraph in isolation; strip it of the context of my life and imagine instead that it is you, talking about your own life. Seriously, re-read it now, because I didn’t write it to impress you: I wrote it for you to start envisioning the life you too can have.
If all that sounds like something you want, this book is for you.
Ready to see what’s behind door number one?